2020 brought many shifts to our "normal life". For me more than the virus there was something deeper and personal to be accepted. For many years I've been feeling stages of mania and depression, lack of sleep or way too much of it. I've come back from Istanbul to Lisbon for NY eve still experiencing a mania phase that I was already caring from Berlin. Mania feels like your ego is flying high, you get super excited about life itself bringing new people into the game, specially when you travel, you can barely sleep and your brain is on fire with new projects and ideas. I did lose people that I love and care for because of this condition hold just by 1% of the population worldwide.
The New Normal is my bipolar disorder.
My new label to care for now under psychiatrist supervision and the right medication. It's not easy to face this and actually make a move towards it. To be seen as someone with a mental illness. To face this and share it publicly requires courage but I hope it might help someone that might cross the same wave through severe mood swings. Depression follows up the mania phase, the highest you fly, the deepest you fall. The feeling that all the projects you were creating in your mind while maniac were just really there. Just when you fall deeply into depression you realize the loss and damage you've put into your life. You sleep, you regret and you cry alone in the dark trying to understand what really happened and why is your family, partner, old friends warning you and stepping away.
I might have lost the love of my life during this process. She was the one that most made me aware of this condition but couldn't bare it any longer. She loved me like no other woman, still does and so do I flying in and out 14 countries over the past 3 years just so we can be together. There is a lot of fixing to be done in an internal and exterior level. To deeply know yourself and understand when these periods are striking so you can breathe in and out before spiting hostile words.
Last but not least there is hope in creation and finding new ways to express our emotions through art, from the beginning to the end, we are all Human Afterall.